media

  May 6, 2008


Exhausted mom Kathryn was carrying baby Sarah around in her arms to keep her happy. Then Kathryn stepped into her sewing room and emerged with something that would impress both herself and Sarah. It was a baby sling.

There once was a little baby named Sarah. She cried a lot. Day and night, it seemed. When she was six weeks old, she went on a nursing strike, refusing to breastfeed except at bedtime.

Her rather confused mommy, determined to feed baby Sarah breast milk, pumped and delivered the precious fluid by bottle until her little picket was 10 months old. But if there was one thing little Sarah really liked more than her mommy's bottled beverage, it was to be in her mommy's arms. She liked to be held. To be cuddled. She probably even liked the view.

Her mother, Kathryn Wilson-Dick, carried her around. A lot. Although there were many days when her arms felt like they might drop off her shoulders, they never actually did.

So, Kathryn persevered.

"It's really exhausting," she says. "You're in the baby's room, walking and walking and walking."

Ah, yes. Sarah not only liked to be carried in her mommy's arms, she liked to sleep in them, too. She liked it so much that any attempt to gently ease a dozing Sarah into her crib resulted in her eyes popping open about the same time as her tiny bum met the mattress.

Kathryn didn't get much of a break.

In fact, to be totally honest, she really wasn't enjoying this supposedly joyous life event called motherhood. She often thought to herself: "Why didn't anyone tell us it would be like this?"

Life like this wasn't pretty. Kathryn felt lost. Exhausted.

Sarah never slept through the night until she was about 2 1/2 years old. By then, Kathryn was already pregnant with twins. Kathryn and husband Tim Dick had been together 13 years before Sarah was born. Needless to say, the world they knew, the world in which they were the ones in control (for the most part), took a decidedly different path.

Like it or not, their little girl was calling the shots. Then everything changed. Kathryn stepped into the sewing room of her St. Catharines home one day and emerged with something that would impress both herself and Sarah.

It was a sling. A baby sling.

Husband Tim had read about such a contraption, a sort of kangaroo pouch that mom wears, and saw it as a way to reclaim their lives. At the very least, he speculated, it would free Kathryn's arms. So, she made a prototype and introduced it to Sarah. The verdict? Sarah approved. She was happy. Content. Cried far less. And seemed to be amused by her new view of the world. Kathryn was free to do stuff around the house like laundry, making dinner or just reading a good book. All the while, Sarah would be awake or asleep in her sling, snuggled up to her mommy.

Kathryn was so impressed that she made some for friends. Word spread. And these days, she's made it into a business called Momme, short for Mothering Made Easier.

"It was about turning a negative experience into healing," she says. "You have an outlet."

She makes slings, small purses that fit a diaper and Momme bags that are worn like a backpack and replace the need for a diaper bag and purse. She's also working on a tummy belt, to support a woman's burgeoning pregnant belly and back. The fabric is colourful and co-ordinating. "It's about mom," she says. "It's about being able to express her personality through prints and colours and making her feel beautiful."

She has a staff of two stay-at-home mothers who do the sewing. A room in her home is a place where new mothers can visit, sip on tea and get personal training on how to use her slings.

Imagine a long piece of fabric, folded lengthwise like an accordion, with two big rings at one end and sewn together at the other. It's worn like a sash, over one shoulder, down the back and up across the chest. The tail is gathered, fed up through both rings and then down through the bottom ring. In the middle, the baby sits. It's like a big hammock that holds baby in different positions, depending on age and personal preference (the baby's, not mom's). The two long edges of the fabric that feed through the rings can be pulled tighter or loosened to control the size and snugness of the pouch.

It suits newborns to toddlers, she says.

It's comfortable (no back pain). Secure. And hands-free. Kathryn used it until Sarah was two. And these days, she pretty much has either six-month-old Jacob or Amelie in it most of the day. On some occasions, she'll wear two slings on each shoulder - one for each twin. Jacob and Amelie like to sit buddha style and gaze out at the world beyond. When they get sleepy, Jacob prefers to be cradled. Amelie is more inclined to snooze on her mom's chest.

"It's heartwarming," she says. "They love being close to you and I love them being close to me," she says.

It's not only convenient, it promotes bonding and emotional development, she says.

It's part of what's known as attachment parenting, says Tony Volk, professor of child and youth studies at Brock University.

First noted in the 1960s by John Bowlby, a psychiatrist, and popularized by Dr. Sears, a medical doctor who wrote the all-encompassing manual of parenting, The Baby Book, it's all about cultivating a physical and emotional closeness with your baby, says Volk.

It embodies things like baby-wearing and co-sleeping. But more importantly, responding to babies when they cry or are in need.

It's partly based on the behaviour of our hunter-gatherer relatives who carried their babies around. Parents were always nearby to respond to the baby's needs. When baby was cold. Hungry. Scared. Or in danger.

Babies learned that the parent was always there for them. They cried less, nursed more and weren't as fussy, he says.

They also demonstrated a stronger emotional attachment to their parents.

Babies who are raised in this style become more independent children, says Volk.

Here's why. When their needs are met, they learn, "I know Mom and Dad will always be there for me."

They feel secure. Confident to go out and explore the world on their own. "They will make bigger and bolder attempts at independence," he says.

Studies on children in orphanages have shown that even if they receive good medical care, without being picked up and held, they suffer from emotional disorders. They become withdrawn and have trouble forming attachments later in life, he says.

They don't seem to care about other people and are more likely to get into trouble.

Studies have suggested there's a critical window between ages six to 12 months. Orphaned Russian children who lived in a sterile, hospital environment with little physical touching, seem to do OK when they're adopted before they're one year old. Any older and they seem to struggle more forming relationships, even if they live in caring, supportive homes, he says.

But he cautions parents not to feel guilty if they can't sleep with their children, carry them around or respond to their every need all the time.

If carrying your baby around drives you nuts, then don't. It's more important to feel fresh and relaxed yourself, so you can be a better parent, he says.

"There needs to be a balance between meeting the baby's needs as much as you can and staying sane," he says.

As babies grow up, the same theory applies. Parents just have to be mindful that they can support the child without supporting a negative behaviour, he says.

A good question to ask is: "Am I supporting the child in a positive way or am I encouraging a bad behaviour?" says Volk.

Keep in mind, too, that there are different ways to achieving attachment. For example, it's not mandatory to carry a child around, says Angela Alfieri-Maiolo, manager of Health Babies, Healthy Children at Niagara's public health department.

Attachment in a broad sense, means parent and child forming a quality relationship.

That means comforting baby, being responsive to cries and in tune with baby's cues, she says.

Baby sees parent as a secure base and feels safe to explore. They know when they return to their base, they will be nurtured again, she says,

When their needs are met, trust develops, says Barbara Nicale, a public health nurse.

"There's a bit of a dance going on in the relationship," she says. "The baby cries and the parent responds."

Babies who form quality attachments develop better socially and emotionally, says Alfieri-Maiolo.

They interact well with other children. They have solid social and problem-solving skills. They're more open to learning. Do well in school. Feel happy and confident. And are less likely to engage in risky behaviour, she says.